Short Bio

I was born in 1970. At the time of writing, that makes me 29 years old. Since I discovered about Asperger Syndrome on the 5th December 1999, I went through most of my life not knowing why I was different.

At school I was terrible. That's what the teachers told me anyway. I had my head in the clouds, I was careless, I was "bad". In my heart I knew that I wasn't doing anything wrong, that I was not the problem. But I couldn't think of any way to tell them this, to change the way they thought about me.

If there was a subject I was interested in I would absorb it. If I was bored by the subject I would pay no attention, and make no effort to learn. In my mind school was (and still is) a boring place full of boring teachers telling you boring words about boring subjects and forcing you to do boring exercises from boring books. The only reason I made any effort to pass exams was in order to avoid repeating a year - an appalling thought. I hated most homework - to me, as soon as I leave school, time is mine to spend as I want. Homework was a waste of time. It did not work with me. The only homework I enjoyed was writing essays. I enjoyed that but was very disappointed that we were never given the choice of a subject to write about - it was always chosen for us. I wanted to write.

This doesn't mean I am unable to learn. On the contrary, if I find something which interests me I can learn faster and in greater detail than most individuals. Throughout my life I skipped from one hobby to the next. Every time I would learn very quickly, because I had chosen that hobby. When I read that spiders have a larger brain, in proportion to their bodies, than most other animals including humans, I decided to learn more about them. In a short time I learned to identify many species. I learned everything i could find about them, and did lots of research. At the age of (about) 14 I was one of around three local "experts" on spiders. Since then I have moved on to many more hobbies and interests, but I never forgot what I learned about spiders.

Other hobbies or interests I have had (not in chronological order) include: computer programming (also my job), Scouts, electronics, singing, playing the guitar and keyboard, dancing, acting, sailing, scuba diving, travelling abroad, anthropology, photography, art (graphite pencil), computer art, raytracing art, hiking, camping, studying religions, martial arts, astronomy, abseiling, windsurfing, reading (esp. fantasy, sci-fi and humour), politics (not partisan), birdwatching, keeping an aquarium (mediterranean marine), ecology of reed valleys and model building (large, detailed wooden ships).
I am or have been a member of the Scouts, a birdwatching club, a nature society, Greenpeace, a travelling organisation, the National Youth Council, a photographic club and astronomy club.

Another problem during the school years was the constant bullying. I quite simply did not know how to deal with it. Although bullying can affect everyone - NTs and aspies - I could not even tell anyone about it. Consequently I had no support. When I tried beating the bullies I got punished however.

Later on at school I started getting into trouble. When something was fun and did not seem to harm anyone I could not think of any reason why I shouldn't do it. For example, in the last year at school, after completing the syllabus for a particular subject we were allowed to take those classes as "free time". Since it was free time I would leave the school and go exploring. This of course was strictly prohibited, but I couldn't understand why I shouldn't do what I liked. So I just went ahead anyway. Actually, the fact that it was prohibited gave each expedition added excitement and adrenalin. I sometimes got punished for this (I rarely let myself get caught) but I didn't care.

It was only in my late teens and early 20s that I learned which of society's rules are unbendable and which are not. There are several rules I don't give a hoot about, such as fashion. But that, at least, will not get you in trouble.

I cannot remember exactly when I came to terms with my "differences". I remember when I was a kid, feeling like I was the only one like me. At some point in time I started feeling superior, even though I felt that I had problems. For example I had no friends. I didn't go to parties, discos and so on. On the other hand I was good at music, could solve problems other people couldn't, and was very knowledgeable in the subjects I liked.

Also I started learning to use my differences to my advantage. When I entered 6th form (I think that's the same as high school in the US), I wanted to study medicine and become a doctor. I took Chemistry, Physics and Biology, as well as a computer course which was an optional extra subject. Within a year I was doing reasonably well in the three main subjects, but shot to the top of the advanced class in the computer course. I decided that this subject allowed me to use my full potential. I abandoned my idea of becoming a doctor (although I completed the courses - they were still interesting), and decided to become a computer programmer. I found I could learn computer languages very quickly (eg, Perl 2 days), and I could find innovative solutions to problems. I got a job at a major computer company and within a short time I started getting all the tough problems to solve. I like that.

I also really like helping others, feeling that I am making a difference. I don't want life to simply happen to me as it does to some people. During my life I have been in committees of several youth organisations and nature clubs, even in the executive committee of the National Youth Council, during which I had some input in the setting up of the National Youth Policy of Poland. As a computer programmer I firmly believe in shareware, open source and the like. I have been a Geocities community leader, DMOZ editor. One of my shareware programs made it to a major top-10 shareware list (PC Magazine online, April 98). I also am very willing to share knowledge, which other people normally guard jealously. I feel that 'there's more where this came from'.

Feeling that I was the victim of unfairness throughout my life has given me a strong feeling of what is fair and what is not. I hate unfairness, even if it happens to someone I don't like. I often feel really angry at hearing about a court case which backfires. Some time ago I heard about a person who had spent many years in prison before being released because all evidence against him had been circumstantial. I was positively furious. I often feel this even when watching a film or reading a story in which one of the characters is discriminated against.

Since when I was a kid I always felt that people didn't respect my opinion, I try to avoid making the same mistake myself. Some adults are surprised that I actually ask for the opinions of young children. I think sometimes even the kids are surprised that an adult is asking them something, rather than just telling them. But they respond well to this, and have often proved that their ideas and opinions can be just as valuable as anybody else's. In today's modern age you often hear of kids who learn how to use the computer or video recorder and then teaching their parents, so I think that adults' perception of kids may be changing slowly.

On Sunday 5th December 1999 I was casually reading the newspaper and came upon an article about autism. As I read the first paragraph I felt my face going red. The insert described me almost perfectly. Somewhere within the article I came across the mention that Einstein may have had AS too. In hindsight, it might have been more difficult for me to accept this had it not been for this sentence. I have a great respect for Einstein, and if he was autistic I don't mind being autistic too. Anyway, the insert was very short and I needed more information, so I got in the internet and started searching intensely. After about half a day of absorbing information I logged off and started writing a document which I called "Am I Autistic?" and which was to become my case study. Although I found the DSM-IV definition of Asperger Syndrome and listed the ways in which I fit the description, most revealing to me were the experiences of other persons with AS. I felt like SETI (search for extra-terrestrial intelligence) scanning the airwaves for years on end without finding anything, and then suddenly tuning onto an FM radio station situated on the fifth planet from Proxima Centauri.

During the days which followed, I continued to find information about AS from every source I could, and at the same time documenting all that I could remember about my past which related to AS. I started keeping a notebook on me on which to write any incident I remember for later inclusion into my 'case study'. I also started sharing opinions and writings on a messageboard and chats about AS.

One thing in which I surprised even myself is the way I reacted to the discovery that I had AS. The emotions I felt were obviously very intense, but I felt great about it. Yes it's true that at one point in time I had a short feeling of disappointment (Hey I don't want to have any whaddyacallit-syndrome!), but it lasted no more than a few seconds. I had long ago realised that I was different and I like what I am. When I found about AS, it was more like someone had given a name to my collective differences. The strongest emotions I felt were: relief (I am not alone in the universe), vindication (see, I told you I wasn't the problem), amusement (remembering incidents in my past) and understanding (I learned why other people had acted the way they had in my regard).

At the time of writing, I still have not decided whom to tell about my AS, because I'm not sure how they would react to it. I might decide to get a formal diagnosis before I tell anyone else. I also like the idea of waiting until I have completed a major milestone in my job or made a major achievement in one of my hobbies and then telling them I am autistic. I think that would radically alter the way they look at autism.

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