A word of warning: Every autistic person is different from every other person in the world, autistic or not. It is a mistake to think that what applies to one autistic person will apply to another, and it is important to keep this in mind when reading material about autism, especially if you have a specific person in mind.

It's a wonderful life

Hi, I'm "Aspie". I am 30 years old (at the time of writing), and perfectly happy. I am also autistic. I haven't know this last bit of information for long. In fact, I only found out in December '99, at the age of 29.

Autism is not something that can easily be described in words. Several persons have tried to compare it to something which we are familiar with - even I have tried to do that in this site. However these words can never describe the entire picture, however well chosen they are.

Learning that you have autism is a tremendous experience. I imagine that learning that your child is autistic can be even more difficult, because when an autistic person discovers he or she is autistic, they already know what that means - they already know themselves, but when you find out that your son or daughter is autistic, you can only try to imagine what it is like.

When I realised I was autistic I did not feel like I had received some nasty diagnosis, instead I felt that a name had been given to some of the things which made me different, things which I already knew about and which I had learnt to deal with.

By that time I had already learned some of the things which made me different from my peers. Some were advantages - I could learn certain things many times faster than others. I could hyperfocus on a subject and become good at it in a short time. I could keep calm in situations where everyone else is panicking. I could approach problems in completely unconventional ways, finding solutions which did not occur to others. I am unaffected by peer pressure (although during puberty and the teen years I was).
On the other hand there were disadvantages. I cannot follow a conversation in a noisy crowded environment. I am not good at socialising - parties, weddings and so on are not my idea of fun. If a subject is imposed on me, I hate it; if I choose the subject myself I excel at it. This caused me some trouble at school, where the subjects were imposed, and I found many of them boring and not worth learning.

When I was a teenager I wanted so much to be like my peers. I went to discos because all teenagers go to discos. I didn't enjoy myself much, but I viewed discos as a necessary activity to be 'accepted'. I participated in the activities of my age-group because I wanted to be one of them, not because I enjoyed the activities themselves.

However I have always been a bit of a rebel by nature. I learned that I can be happier charting my own course through life than following the preset course which society maps out. I don't know exactly when this happened - it probably was more of a gradual process than a single event which changed me suddenly, but it was a turning point in my life. Instead of seeking those things which make other people happy, I started seeking my own happiness, in my own way.

This led to a long string of hobbies. No hobby was similar to the one before. Every time I would start a new hobby, and abandon the previous one, focusing all my resources on my new chosen hobby, often becoming quite good at it. Among the hobbies I have had are:

I was having a fascinating time, but sometimes I felt a bit disappointed that I wasn't sticking to any one hobby for a long period of time. Then I realised that, apart from the hobbies themselves, I was enjoying the thrill of trying out something new each time. Part of the fun was the novelty of each new hobby, and the new challenges it offered, new things to learn.

Although I said that I would 'abandon' previous hobbies that's not entirely correct. Certainly I never forgot anything I had learnt, and occasionally I would go back to a previous hobby for a short while, just for kicks. Maybe spend a few days on my guitar, or going through my coin collection.

At the time of writing, my overriding interest is performing in musicals. I have liked singing for as long as I can remember, so I have great hopes that this latest hobby will last for a long time. Besides the fun, excitement and thrills it offers, I realised that the learning process for the theatre is just what I need.

I found my happiness when I realised that one does not have to be like others to be happy. I learned not to measure my success using the weights and measures of others.

Some people measure success in money, some in fame or popularity, some in the number of influential persons you know.
I know there are people who make far more money than I do. Others are well-know throughout the world. Others are always surrounded by friends, and some are on first-name terms with more VIPs than I even know about. I do not envy any of them. If I am perfectly happy with what I have, what more could I want? I do not feel any bitterness or anything - if these people need money or popularity to be happy, that's great - good luck to them, and may they have as much happiness as possible.

If you know someone who is autistic, keep in mind that this person can be as happy and satisfied as the richest, most popular or most beautiful person in the world, if not more. This is not to say that they will not have problems in life - of course they'll have problems! But these problems can be overcome. Maintaining a positive attitude is essential. Parents of autistic kids have a difficult task, because they can have a big influence on their children as they grow up. If one is constantly depressed because of their kid's autism, the children will grow up feeling that they are the black sheep of the family, that they have something bad and shameful, and nothing could be further from the truth.

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